


These Things That I’ve Done

by Goody



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Howling Commandos - Freeform, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Steve, Slash if you squint, Violence, gratuitous hurt/comfort, like hurt/comfort for days guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 05:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2375657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goody/pseuds/Goody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Howling Commandos are captured by Hydra, everyone expects them to take Steve away to experiment on but the the Hydra science division is much more interested in Sergeant James Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tank

**Author's Note:**

> Slash if you squint. Not explicitly slash but not really not slash either. Written because Bucky as Winter Soldier fics are lovely, but I adore WWII hurt/comfort stories with all my being.

They decided to call them Flash Bombs, and as the Howling Commandos covered their burning eyes they sure wished their side had thought of them before Hydra.

They were introduced to the Flash Bombs on a roadside near Strousburg leading to a Hydra base. The plan had been to ambush a Hydra envoy, steal their uniforms, commandeer the trucks and drive straight into the base before blowing it to hell. It was a good plan. It should have worked but Steve had barely set a foot out of the ditch beside the road before the first blinding flash went off beside him. 

It had happened so quickly that there was no doubt Hydra had known they were waiting, meaning they had either been betrayed or Hydra had infiltrated the ranks of the French resistance group helping them.

Neither of those things mattered at the moment though. All that mattered was fighting back, but the first step involved in that was being able to see, which none of them currently could.

Another blast went off further to Steve’s right. He heard Dernier swear in French and Gabe in some other language. 

“I can’t see!” shouted Dum Dum. 

Steve was down on one knee, uninjured but as useless as the others while blind in a gunfight. He tried to blink away the effects but all he saw was blinding light.

“Fall back! It’s a trap!” Steve yelled, hoping the other Commandos could still see, could still run. Judging by the shouts around him there was no such luck. German voices were suddenly close, surrounding them, yelling at them to get on the ground. He heard fists striking flesh and cuffs closing before the butt of a rifle struck his head. Steve went down but stayed conscious as his arms were pulled back and an impossibly large set of shackles snapped around his wrists. He tugged at them and felt no give at all; these were made to hold a super soldier. Definitely a trap then. 

Pulling himself to his knees he blinked his vision clear enough to see the outline of three Hydra soldiers standing over him, heads obscured by full masks with tinted goggles that must have protected them from the flash bombs. They’d have to steal some of those. If they made it out of this alive.

Steve looked around trying to spot his men. Judging by the hat, Dugan was next to him on the right, also kneeling, with Falsworth next and then Morita. Gabe and Dernier were on his other side, all handcuffed. 

A Hydra soldier in a slightly different uniform looked them over and shook his head. “There should be one more. Where is ...?”

There was a muffled ping and the soldier fell to the ground, dead.

Bucky.

Steve didn’t know a lot of German but he recognized the panicked shouts of “Sniper, get down!” and almost smiled.

Bucky had set up his sniper nest a few hundred yards away to provide cover, clearly far enough that the bombs hadn’t blinded him like the rest of them, and now he was taking out the soldiers around the Commandos, trying to give them an opening to escape.

Steve tried to take it. Most of the Hydra soldiers were looking towards the forest, trying to spot where Bucky was hidden away. Steve managed to kick one man hard enough that he might not ever get up, but his hands were still cuffed and the rest of the Commandos were still mostly blind. A hit across the lower back and a punch across the jaw knocked Steve down again. Two more Hydra soldiers went with him though, both taken down by Bucky’s rifle.

“Hydra bastards,” Bucky muttered from his perch as he cleared a spent round from the chamber. He had only been blinded by the flash bombs for a moment but had recovered in time to see his friends on their knees and handcuffed. Worried Hydra meant to execute them on the spot he had opened fire, trying to create any opening he could. He later realized it probably would have been smarter to stay quiet, follow the group or report back on what had happened, but he’d be damned if he was going to watch his team get carted off and do nothing. He slotted another cartridge, lined up his sights, and fired. Another one down, only ... ugh, a lot more to go. 

“Come on Steve, think of something,” Bucky grumbled, clearing out as many guys near the super soldier as possible. He could see the Hydra goons all pointing his way now, shooting at the trees after figuring out his general location, but he stayed in his perch and kept firing. 

Steve was trying to roll to his feet but the half dozen guns aimed at his face and the German instructions to stay down dictated otherwise. He looked up in time to see Gabe’s eyes widen with concern from the end of the line.

“Cap, the tank!” Gabe yelled. 

Steve hadn’t even noticed the tank coming up behind the Hydra trucks, he’d been too busy being blinded and pistol whipped. But it was impossible to miss now as it came down the road, Hydra soldiers hiding behind it for cover from Bucky’s rifle. His stomach dropped when he saw the turret pivot so the main gun was pointing into the forest. It was pointing at Bucky. 

“No! Bucky!” Steve couldn’t get to his feet, there were too many guns and hands holding him down, but he looked in the sniper’s direction and shouted desperately, praying he’d notice. “Bucky! Bucky the tank! Get down! Jump! Get down!”

Up in his nest Bucky saw only what was on the other end of his scope. Another Hydra soldier down. He swung his rifle, looking for his next target and his scope passed over Steve, struggling, yelling and looking right at him. He was too far away to hear. He tried to read his lips.

“Tank?” Bucky looked up and found the tank gun practically staring at him from the road. “Oh shit.”

He threw his rifle down first and watched it fall the fifteen feet to the ground. Either way this was going to hurt.

Steve almost got to his feet but a kick to the back of the knee sent him down again and then his heart stopped beating as the tank fired. Half a dozen trees exploded, some insane wide-spread firing system Hydra had invented instantly shredding the trunks into splinters. Steve knew Bucky had been in the second one from the left. 

“Bucky!” Steve yelled. Around him the Commandos were shouting as well, swearing and struggling but the Hydra soldiers only pushed them along, rifles at their backs as they forced them into the back of one of the trucks. The seats were made for prisoners, with clasps that hooked onto their handcuffs to keep them from moving. Steve pulled desperately at his but they had been prepared for Captain America; his restraints were triple enforced and didn’t give an inch.

“Everyone okay?” Steve whispered as they were chained, receiving a round of nods from his men. They were left alone a moment later as the soldiers left the truck bed to stand at the open doors with their guns at the ready.

“Did anyone see if Buck got clear?” he asked after they were all locked in.

“I don’t know, not sure what I saw, I’m still seeing spots,” Dum Dum said, the others replying the same.

“Barnes is resourceful, I’m sure he’s fine,” Falsworth said hopefully.

“I don’t know a lot of resources that will stop a tank shell,” Morita replied, earning a glare from the rest of his teammates. He shrugged it off. He knew he was the realist in the group.

“Anyone got any give in their cuffs? Or ideas to get out of here?” Steve asked quietly. They all squirmed and pulled to no success. “All right I guess we ...”

Steve trailed off when the Hydra agents outside suddenly started shouting, not in panic but in triumph. He looked to Gabe who translated.

“I think they found Bucky.”

Steve swallowed and pulled at his cuffs again, desperate to get free or at least see what was going on. 

He got his wish a few moments later when the guards watching them stepped aside to let two men step up into the truck bed, dragging an unconscious Bucky between them. 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted hoping for a response but Bucky, covered in dirt and blood, showed no sign of hearing him. He was either dead to the world, or just plain dead. Steve had to assume he was alive though when the Hydra agents bothered to cuff him and chain him down next to Dum Dum. 

“He needs a doctor!” Steve shouted at the retreating soldiers and was pretty sure he heard them laugh as they jumped down onto the road, slamming the doors behind them.

“Dum Dum?” Steve asked, looking for a report and hating how far away he was from his best friend.

“Yeah.” Dum Dum leaned as close to Bucky as possible, trying to see his face. “He’s breathing. I think most of the blood is from the cut on his forehead. No other obvious injuries.”

“Let’s hope that’s the case,” Steve sighed. “At least we’re all accounted for.”

There were a few more shouts outside and then they engine rolled to life and they all felt them start moving.

“What do you think the chances are that they’ll drop us back at the base if we ask nicely?” Morita joked.

“I’m more curious how they managed to ambush our ambush?” Falsworth said.

“So am I. And I’m eager to get my hands on a few people and ask them,” Steve added.

The truck rumbled over a large bump, rattling them enough for Bucky to moan and blink his eyes open.

“Barnes? You with us?” Dum Dum asked. Bucky glanced at him briefly before squeezing his eyes shut again.

“Oh god what hit me?” he muttered, lowering his head miserably.

“A tank shell, the ground, and probably most of the tree you were in. In that order,” Dum Dum said.

“Sounds about right,” Bucky said, trying to shift into a more comfortable position only to end up hissing in pain as he pulled at every sore spot he had.

“You all right?” Steve asked from the far end of the truck.

“Never better,” he said, tense with pain and doing a shit job at hiding it. “We got a plan?”

“Well, the original plan was to steal one of these trucks and use it to sneak into the base, so technically we’re still on the old plan.”

Bucky’s glare to that response was oddly enough made more effective by the copious amounts of blood streaming down his face. 

“No, no new plan yet,” Steve added seriously. Bucky nodded and the movement made him nauseous. He leaned his head against the cold steel wall beside him and closed his eyes.

“Wake me when we’ve got one.”

It turned out Bucky got to sleep right until they reached the Hydra base, unfortunately not because a plan was hatched but because the Hydra soldiers were back, pushing them out of the truck and into the facility. The Commandos were led in first, Bucky doing his best not to stumble while the rest of the squad carefully studied the base layout. Steve was brought in separately, surrounded by eight armed men who stayed far enough away to not be attacked or disarmed easily. Steve felt his jaw clench, annoyed at the fact that they weren’t underestimating him. They each ended up in their own cramped cell in a shiny underground corridor that ended in one bigger cell made with bars three times thicker than the others. Steve was pushed inside this one. He kicked at one of the bars and felt no give whatsoever.

“I’d be honored at the special treatment if it weren’t so inconvenient,” Steve grumbled.

“Personally I’m offended we didn’t all get super cells,” Dugan said. 

“I’m offended by the view,” Bucky added from the cell across from Dum Dum. “Last thing I see before I die is gonna be that stupid hat of yours?”

It was meant to be a joke to lighten the mood but everybody frowned when Bucky’s words slurred at the end. He was the only one sitting down in his cell, jacket sleeve pressed against the gash in his forehead. 

“How you feeling?” Steve asked, glad they had all at least been uncuffed. 

“Better than the time I got mugged outside the Ragtown, worse than the time Gina Sherman’s dad caught me in her room.”

“Her dad kicked your ass?” Gabe questioned.

“No of course not, but the guilt you know, it eats away at a man,” Bucky replied, forcing a smile to prove he was fine even if he probably had a concussion along with some broken ribs. It wasn’t like they could do anything about it anyway.

Steve let it go, acknowledging that Bucky’s deflection meant he didn’t want the attention. 

“Still open to plan suggestions.”

Some of them looked at Dernier who had been known to hide knives and lock picks in places they didn’t even want to think about, but he shook his head and turned out his pockets.

“Sorry mes amis, they took everything,” he said. They all nodded in understanding, having each been searched and cleaned out just as thoroughly. 

The sound of footsteps interrupted them and they all looked down the corridor to see a high ranking Hydra officer striding towards them, flanked by three armed guards. The officer made no acknowledgment of the Commandos but smirked triumphantly as he stopped in front of Steve’s cell. 

“Captain, it’s a pleasure.”

Steve glared. “It’s all yours, I guarantee you.”

“I meant to see you punished for your crimes, not to be in your company. I am Commander Streicher, in case you would like to curse my name as you die,” the Commander offered.

“See that’s the difference between us, I didn’t need to introduce myself.”

The smile quickly fell off Streicher’s lips and his eyes went cold. 

“You are proud to be known as the American brute who seeks to hold back the perfect world Hydra dreams of? Who has killed our men? Destroyed our bases, destroying our technology, holding humanity back from its greatness? That is no legacy Captain,” Streicher said. He unclipped his holster and pulled out his gun, aiming it steady between Steve’s eyes. “Now, being the man who killed Captain America, that is a legacy.”

Steve held the man’s gaze but didn’t move, afraid to even breathe since there was literally no escape with only two feet to either side of him in the small cell. Streicher’s eyes were hard; he would not hesitate to pull the trigger but he wanted to see Steve’s response, wanted him to squirm before he killed him, maybe even beg. Before Steve could say something that would definitely get him killed though another voice interrupted.

“You pull that trigger it’s going to be the biggest mistake of your life pal!” Bucky shouted from a cell away, standing up with his hands wrapped white knuckled around the cell bars.

“And why is that?” Streicher chuckled, gun never wavering. “Because you’ll kill me if I do?”

Bucky licked his lips. “No, not me, but Johann Schmidt probably won’t be too happy when he finds out you took the pleasure of killing Captain America away from him.”

They could all see when Streicher wavered, clearly not having considered that, so Bucky kept pushing.

“I met the guy once, didn’t seem like the forgiving type, blew up his own base ’cause a few prisoners got free. But maybe you know him better than me. So go ahead, kill Captain America, but maybe send someone else to tell Red Skull about it. You’ll live longer.”

Streicher ground his teeth together, unable to concede Bucky was right but also unwilling to admit to his mistake in front of his men. His hand wavered one final time and he pulled the triggered.

“No!” the Commandos shouted almost as one from around the corridor. Steve flinched but opened his eyes a moment later and looked down at himself, feeling nothing, seeing no blood. Looking behind him he saw the bullet had imbedded itself harmlessly into the wall.

“You are alive by my will only Captain. The pleasure I would get from killing you is nothing compared to the rewards Herr Schmidt will rain upon me for your capture.”

“Of course,” Steve answered, clearly unconvinced by the show but breathed out in relief and met Bucky’s eye across the corridor, giving him a quick nod of thanks for saving his life that Bucky returned with a relieved smile. 

“Besides, for the sins you have committed against us a quick death is too merciful,” Streicher continued. “You must suffer first.”

Steve’s blood went cold when Streicher brought his gun up again, now aimed at Bucky’s head.

“No!”

“Your men’s value lies only in what they mean to you, Captain. They will bring me no such rewards and are therefore quite ... disposable.” Streicher smiled and strode forward, watching as Bucky tensed and then stood up straight, squaring his shoulders back in resignation of his fate.

“Get away from him!” Steve shouted, pulling at the impossibly thick bars. “Don’t touch him.”

“And why not Captain? He’s your sniper yes? I’m told he killed several of my officers during your capture. Give me one good reason why I would let this man live,” Streicher requested, smirking because he knew what Steve knew. Captain America had no answer, no way to save Bucky like he had saved him. Bucky knew it too and tried to meet Steve’s eye, tried to tell him it was okay, he didn’t blame him. Steve saw the look and roared even louder in protest. 

“No!”

Streicher took a final step closer, hoping to see the fear in Bucky’s eyes and was disappointed to find firm resignation and perhaps ... relief? But of course Streicher didn’t know about the true fear that had gripped Bucky since they had been dragged into this base, had no idea that he preferred death over ever being strapped to a table again, over being lost to days of pain, over forgetting who he is and what he is. Over being torn apart and put back together feeling wrong. He’d take the bullet any day. 

The lack of terror angered Streicher though and he cocked back the hammer to try to strike fear into his target. “Any last words for your Captain?”

“Not that you get to hear,” Bucky replied, confident that Steve knew how he felt, what he wanted to say. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. 

“Streicher, if you pull that trigger I swear I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” Steve threatened but Streicher just laughed again, enjoying seeing how close he could get Captain America to begging.

Meanwhile Bucky felt himself shaking the longer this dragged on and started to whisper the mantra that had gotten him through three impossibly long days strapped to a gurney. “Sergeant James Barnes, Howling Commandos, 51213, Sergeant James Barnes, Howling Commandos, 51213, Sergeant James ...”

When Bucky heard a metallic click and a whoosh of air, his eyes snapped open to see Streicher squinting at him curiously, gun now pointed in the air and away from him.

“Barnes,” Streicher repeated the name so quietly it was obviously just for himself to hear. His eyes widened and his cruel smile curled back up when the memory came to him. “Yes, Barnes of course. How surprising, you’re worth more to me alive after all.”

Without another word, Streicher holstered his gun and turned on his heel back down the corridor, not retreating but almost excited. 

“What the hell does that mean?” Bucky exhaled, relieved to still be alive at the same time that he felt a pit forming in his stomach. He took two quick breaths and started shaking the bars of his cell. “Hey! Get back here! What the hell does that mean!?”

“Bucky, stop!” Steve shouted, terrified Streicher would come back and finish the job he threatened. “Let’s just be thankful that he’s gone.”

Bucky slumped back down to the ground and rubbed at his pounding head feeling anything but thankful. 

TBC

With lots of Bucky H/C to come!


	2. The Bullet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trouble for Bucky. Delicious trouble. Swearing in this one if that bugs you.

A few hours later Bucky’s head snapped up and he hissed in pain. He looked around, confused where he was for a moment. His concussion had caused him to drift off in his cell for a few hours but he was pretty sure it was the voices down the hall that had woken him up.

The voices were German, not quite shouting but raised loud enough to hear. Bucky stood up to try and listen more closely. 

“What’s going on?” he asked. The others were all standing and trying to peer down the hall as well but all eyes turned to Gabe for a translation.

“Two scientists are arguing with the guards about a prisoner transfer for analysis or something. I think Hydra wants to figure out what makes Cap tick,” Gabe said.

“I’m gonna bet that you bleed American flags,” Morita said, finding no situation dark enough not to joke about.

“Shut up Morita,” Bucky hissed, kicking at his cell doors. He’d been taken away by Hydra once, if he had to watch the same thing happen to his best friend he didn’t think he could take it.

“It’s fine Buck, don’t worry, this is our chance to get out of here,” Steve said, not appearing the least bit frightened. “I only see three guards down there with the scientists. All of you stay near the bars of your cells, when they take me out of here I’ll try to knock the guards close to you, you grab them and take whatever you can off them, keys, weapons. Start shooting and unlocking anything you can reach. It’s going to be chaotic but we might be able to get out of here.”

The Commandos all nodded their understanding of the plan. Bucky nodded as well but couldn’t shake the dread pooling in his stomach. Footsteps were approaching now though and none of them could say anything else. 

Leaning against the bars Bucky could see it was only two guards coming down the hall, along with a man and a woman wearing lab coats and Commander Streicher leading them all with a satisfied smirk.

Streicher walked straight up to Steve’s cell stopping to appraise the soldier silently and hold the Captain’s hard gaze for a long moment. Then he turned on his heel and motioned towards the other side of the hall.

“Sergeant Barnes, as promised,” Streicher said to his companions.

Bucky felt his blood turn cold. “Me?”

“Streicher, you son of a bitch, your beef’s with me, stay the hell away from him!” Steve shouted, his sturdy resolve disappearing as soon as he realized the Commander was going to use Bucky against him.

Bucky’s eyes flitted over to the two scientists. They were both carrying clipboards and seemed to be taking notes as they looked him over.

“What the hell do you want with me?” he asked, his voice trembling more than he wanted it to.

“Me? Absolutely nothing,” Streicher said, ignoring Steve’s outburst. “Dr. Zola on the other hand has left standing orders with all Hydra bases that you are to be captured alive at all costs and taken for immediate testing.”

“The doctor’s lab in Austria was destroyed along with all of his work,” the female scientist said. Her name tag read Elinga. “As the only living subject from his research you’ve made yourself quite valuable to Hydra.”

Bucky felt his knees start to give out and gripped the bars to steady himself. “Research for what? What the hell was he doing to me?!”

“That’s quite irrelevant,” the male scientist said. His name tag read Hershing. He tsked as he looked at the bruises on Bucky’s face and made a note on his clipboard. “His injuries are unfortunate, they could skew results, but we can still begin the tests Dr. Zola requested.”

Bucky slammed a fist against the bars and felt a thrill of victory when both scientists jumped. “You stay the hell away from me! I’d rather die than let you strap me down again you sick fucks!”

In the corner of his eye Bucky saw Steve inhale sharply, his face clouded with pain to hear his friend talk that way and hurting even more that he couldn’t do anything to help him.

“I’m afraid that’s not an option Sergeant, you’re needed alive. Now, would you like to come quietly with some dignity or must we make this violent?”

“You just said you won’t kill me and you really think I’m going to come quietly? Go to hell pal,” Bucky hissed. 

“Streicher I know what you’re doing,” Steve said, desperate to do anything to draw them away from Bucky. “You don’t have to do this. I’m the super soldier here. I’m the one you should be studying. Leave him alone.”

Streicher smiled, basking in hearing Steve almost beg. “I’m not doing anything Captain, just following orders.”

Clearing his gun from his holster he shot Bucky in the left foot. 

“Ah!” Bucky fell to the floor, leg pulled up and writhing in pain.

“You son of a bitch!” Dum Dum yelled from across the hall. 

“Bastard! You didn’t have to do that!” Steve shouted, slamming a fist against the bars. 

“If he doesn’t want to come quietly, he can come screaming,” Streicher said, motioning for the guards to drag Bucky from his cell. The door clanged open and the two men pulled Bucky up by the arms, ignoring his bit off cries as they forced him to march on his bleeding foot. 

Steve thought being shot would hurt less than watching his best friend get dragged away bleeding and screaming to his worst nightmare. Looking at Streicher he saw only smug triumph, he wouldn’t be able to reason or plead with the man, so Steve called out to Bucky instead.

“Bucky, we’ll get you out of there! You hear me? Buck! We’re gonna come get you, just hold on!” 

The grip of one of the guards pulling the collar of his shirt kept Bucky from turning his head, but he heard Steve’s shouts and took them to heart. Steve had saved him once, crossing entire countries to do so. Surely he could fight his way through one little base to save him again. 

Bucky elbowed one of the guards hard in the nose and had his bleeding foot stepped on in retaliation. He would have crumbled to his knees in pain but the guards just dragged him down the hall. That escape attempt was squashed but he kept his eyes open to try again. He believed Steve would rescue him but that didn’t mean he had to stop trying to save himself.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Streicher disappeared after they left the holding area, leaving Elinga and Hershing to lead the guards dragging Bucky along. He had stopped struggling, choosing to save his energy until he had a better opening, that was until the two scientists opened a heavy steel door that revealed a harshly lit laboratory, with trays of medical utensils lying across several tables and a metal gurney in the center of the room with leather straps at the arms and legs. 

Bucky kicked and screamed and punched, desperate to get free. 

“No, I won’t go back,” he muttered, his breathing harsh with panic as he tried to shove his guards into the wall. They retaliated by striking him in the face and stomach until he couldn’t breathe or see straight. By the time he regained his senses he was lying flat on his back with both arms already strapped down. 

“No! Let go of me!” He tried to kick at the guards but one of them just swore at him in German, grabbed his injured foot and pressed hard into the bullet wound there. When Bucky was done screaming they had already finished tying him down. 

“Thank you, that will be all,” Hershing said, dismissing the guards who gladly retreated to the hallway, wiping at their split lips and bruised ribs. 

“These injuries are unfortunate. The test results will be skewed,” Elinga said as she shone a light in Bucky’s eyes and wrote something down on her clipboard.

“Let me up right now or I swear to God you’ll wish the devil himself would drag you to hell compared to what I will do to you! I am going to kill every last one of you Hydra scum bags.”

Hershing sighed and rolled his eyes as he reached underneath the gurney and pulled up another leather strap by Bucky’s head. 

“No! Don’t you dare ...!” Bucky’s threat was cut off when Elinga took the other end of the strap and tied it down so it covered Bucky’s mouth, effectively gagging him.

“Much better,” Elinga said over Bucky’s muffled screams. No longer able to move or talk Bucky thought madness couldn’t be far behind this. 

He could only lay there as the scientists examined him, checking his temperature, blood pressure, pupils, measuring his bruises and taking blood samples. Bucky closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was somewhere else but the only other place like this had been Austria and those memories were no help to him. He tried to think of Steve. He had found him before. He had ripped him free. Steve would come for him, it was the only thought keeping him sane. 

“He’ll need to be in as peak condition as possible for testing,” Elinga said.

Hershing was already pulling off Bucky’s boot, taking no care of Bucky’s screams as his injury was jostled. “We’ll have to remove the bullet and bandage this up then.”

Elinga nodded and the two got to work, sterilizing the wound, removing the bullet, putting in a few stitches and bandaging it up. They took no notice of Bucky’s screams as they dug into his flesh without anaesthetic or any need to be gentle. 

“That’s all we can do,” Elinga said as she tied off the last bandage. “What is the first test Doctor Zola required before his arrival?”

Hershing checked his clipboard. “We’re authorized to conduct the pain tolerance tests.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and he found strength somewhere to struggle harder than ever but there was no give to the leather straps. He remembered those tests from the last time, even if he hadn’t the name was obvious enough. Tears leaked from his eyes at the memory of it.

“I’ll get the equipment,” Hershing offered, disappearing from Bucky’s sight.

Elinga was already flipping switches on what looked like a recording device. Hershing reappeared pushing a metal table holding a black box with several cables hanging off and a dial marked in volts. 

As Hershing began to connect the nodes at the end of the cables to his head and chest, Bucky thrashed but couldn’t move enough to shake them off. Across the room, Elinga flipped the final switch.

“Pain tolerance tests, Sergeant James Barnes, March 12, 1945. Previous test results of subject lost but believed by Doctor Zola to have lasted until approximately 50,000 volts at 0.5 amperage. We will begin testing accordingly at 40,000 volts at 0.5 amperage,” Elinga paused as she looked at Hershing who had finishing applying the nodes and was adjusting the dial of the machine to her specifications. Bucky screamed and cried but was met with only indifferent glances from his captors.

“Ready,” Hershing said.

Elinga nodded and leaned closer to the microphone. “Applying voltage.”

TBC

That was fun.


	3. The Tape

There was no way to tell how much time had passed down in the holding cells but Steve thought it had been a few hours since Bucky had been taken away. Long enough at least that the blood trail his dragging feet had left behind looked to have dried in the cement. Steve felt sick every time he looked at it. The first twenty minutes or so after Bucky had been taken Steve had spent punching and kicking at his cell door. Bruises and cuts had formed and healed, and a few bones had cracked but he had only stopped when it was clear the metal walls of his cell were not budging. He hated how prepared Hydra had been for his capture. 

The rest of the Commandos didn’t look any more pleased than he did. Most of the guys were still pacing their cells, upset and anxious with one of their own taken away. Again. They all looked at Steve every few minutes with a glimmer of hope but he avoided their eyes, ashamed he had no plan to get them out of there. No plan to save Bucky from whatever hell they were putting him through. All they could do was wait. 

They all turned at the sound of footsteps approaching and Steve prayed it was Bucky being returned, that the bastards had finished whatever horrible tests they had wanted to run and would bring them all together again.

His wide eyes turned into a glare when he saw it was Commander Streicher back yet again. There was no sign of Bucky but Streicher had two men with him wheeling along a cart with a black box on it.

“Captain, I thought you and your men might be bored so I brought you some entertainment to help pass the time.”

“You can shove it up your ass,” Steve said. “Where the hell’s Bucky?”

“Give it a chance Captain,” Streicher continued, ignoring Steve’s question. “I find it quite soothing myself.”

Steve looked behind Streicher to see the guards were fiddling with some reels of audio recording tape and a speaker. Expecting German propaganda of some kind to start echoing through their cells, Steve ground his teeth together and stayed silent, hoping his lack of response would make Streicher tire of this game sooner. But Streicher only looked pleased as he nodded at one of his men.

The guard hit play. The audio reels began to roll and there was static for a moment. Then a woman began speaking and it was not at all what Steve had expected to hear.

“Pain tolerance tests, Sargeant James Barnes, March 12, 1945. Previous test results of subject lost but believed by Doctor Zola to ...” The voice was that of the woman that had dragged Bucky away. Steve couldn’t be sure but he thought he heard something muffled in the background amongst the static.

“What the hell is this?” Steve demanded, though the answer was obvious. Streicher looked euphoric and said nothing, rocking back on his heels, finding the recording as blissful as a concerto. 

“ ... we will begin testing accordingly at 40,000 volts at 0.5 amperage,” the woman continued.

“Ready,” said the man.

“Applying voltage.”

There was a whine of electricity and Bucky’s muffled shouts became screams, managing to pierce straight into Steve’s heart even through whatever they had gagged him with. 

“You sick bastards!” Steve shouted. Losing himself for a moment he made a desperate grab for Streicher through the bars even though the man stood much too far away. Bucky was still screaming. 

Around the hall the reactions varied. Dernier covered his ears and retreated to the back of his cell. Falsworth and Dugan gripped the bars of their cell, itching for a fight, while Morita and Gabe shut their eyes and ground their teeth. They left it to Steve to speak up.

“Turn it off.”

Streicher made no indication he’d heard him, instead he frowned as the electric whir finally faded along with Bucky’s screams.

“Subject remains conscious,” the man on the tape said, clearly examining Bucky who was panting loudly while the man rattled off several numbers regarding pupil dilation, heart rate and blood pressure.

Steve held his breath, hoping that was the end.

“Preparing for second test. Increasing voltage by 2,500. Applying voltage.”

Steve hadn’t seen the guards touch the volume dials but he was sure this scream was louder than the last and drilling straight into his brain.

“Turn it off!” he shouted, slamming a fist against the bars of his cell. The screams were driving him mad. Bucky was so close, somewhere nearby and in the building, yet still alone and suffering because Steve hadn’t protected him.

Streicher only rocked back and forth again, enjoying Bucky’s screams like a soft melody.

Steve growled and did the only thing he could think of to make it stop. Tearing off his steel toed boot, he hurled it through the air. A regular throw might have done no damage to the stereo equipment, but Steve had the rage of a super soldier behind him and the projectile hit the speakers with enough force to tip the entire cart over, smashing the equipment into pieces across the floor. 

The Commandos sighed in relief. Dernier even sagged down to his knees. Steve looked at Streicher who frowned but didn’t seem too put out.

“A shame Captain, the next hour or so was really quite good. The crying was going to start in a few minutes. Or do you think if you don’t listen it means it didn’t happen?”

“I think that I’m going to kill you for what you did to my friend and that his screams will be nothing compared to what I’ll do to you.”

Streicher grinned and turned to leave, glancing at the guards as he passed. “Get that cleaned up then have another copy brought to the loud speaker system for the base. Everyone deserves to hear something so lovely as the Americans being broken within our walls.”

The guards saluted and cleaned up the broken speaker system while Steve leaned his head against the bars and tried to forget the sound of Bucky’s screams. 

When the guards were finished they rolled their cart away and Steve looked straight at Dernier.

“Tell me you got something good.”

Dernier glanced down the hall, saw the coast was clear then held up a long metal sliver and a jagged piece of plastic, both clearly broken off the cart and stereo equipment.

“Let’s hope,” he said, leaning through the bars to test if the pilfered materials would fit into the lock. After a few minutes of creative French swearing, a few chips in the plastic and some bends in the metal, they all heard the most beautiful sound of their lives.

Click.

The door to Dernier’s cell slid open. He snuck towards Steve, grabbing his boot off the floor as he passed, and had the lock open in a few moments. Steve nodded his thanks.

“Get the others out, then we get Bucky and blow this place to hell.”

“Yes sir.”

As Dernier crept to Dum Dum’s cell next, Steve worried that he had no idea where Bucky was in this massive place. Then his eye caught the trail of blood that led out to the end of the hallway and he hoped no one had been around to clean the rest of the base yet that day.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

As Bucky’s eyes fluttered open his whole body felt like it was on fire. He shifted and gasped, every muscle in his body still spasming from the electrical shocks that had thankfully ended when he lost consciousness. Still, it was a few moments before he could force any air into his lungs. With each breath the pain seemed to die down a little more, being replaced with exhaustion and bone weariness. His eyes longed to close again but he heard voices nearby and forced himself to listen.

“85,000 volts before loss of consciousness, a 70% increase in the subject’s pain tolerance. Quite impressive. Dr. Zola’s research is truly remarkable,” Elinga said

Bucky flinched when fingers suddenly pulled open his eyelid and a light was shone in his eye.

“Subject has regained consciousness in half the time noted before the procedure as well,” Hershing said, ringing with excitement as he ignored Bucky’s moans and moved to the next eye for examinations. Bucky was still strapped down and muzzled and wondering why he had fought his way back to consciousness at all.

“What are our next steps?”

Elinga shuffled through her papers. “The instructions for Phase 2 have been provided but I’m not certain if we’re authorized to proceed.”

Bucky listened carefully now. Could they really be done with him already?

“Phase 2,” Hershing repeated, a note of awe in his voice. “Have we been directly instructed not to proceed?”

“No.”

“Well then, let’s continue. Science waits for no one, not even Dr. Zola.” 

Bucky closed his eyes in frustration at the same time Elinga sighed, seemingly less enthused.

“We’ll take detailed notes,” Hershing promised. “And record everything. Dr. Zola will likely thank us for saving him from having to take these steps himself.”

“Very well, let’s prepare the injections.”

Of course they couldn’t wait for Zola, Bucky mused, that would just be too good to be true. He could barely turn his head but was able to see that the two scientists were across the lab mixing chemicals. In some way he wanted to know what they were, what they would do to him, but more than that he wanted to be free so focussed on pulling at his restraints yet again. He could feel his wrists and ankles bruising, and noticed Elinga shoot him at least one annoyed glance but really, what did they expect him to do, just lie here? Not a chance. Ignoring the pain he put all his weight into one massive tug, then he froze. Had that been a ripping sound by his right wrist? He pulled again and felt the slightest bit of give.

Holy hell. 

He looked back over. They were still working but Elinga was already filling a syringe with some blue substance they had mixed together. He pulled again. There was another small tear but the cuffs were strong, he would need a few more minutes to rip them entirely. The two scientists were coming back over to him. Dammit, he needed more time. 

Hershing took the syringe from Elinga and motioned her towards the recording equipment.

“Make certain we’re ready to record, we can take audio notes for the Doctor.”

As the man came closer to him Bucky increased his struggles, making little attempt to hide the progress he had made in tearing his restraints. He didn’t need to anyway, Hershing ignored his protests yet again, giving him all the respect of a frog on an examining table. 

“Ready to record.”

“Ready for injection.”

Bucky screamed and fought as Hershing rolled his left sleeve up to reveal his upper arm.

There was a click from the audio equipment, just enough to cover the further ripping sound of the right restraint, but Bucky still wasn’t free and had no idea what this injection would do to him.

“Recording.”

“Subject James Barnes is currently conscious, aware and resisting to our research. All vitals have been noted on record and we are administering the phase two serum now.”

Bucky pulled and felt the cuff come halfway free just as the needle pricked his arm. Then there was nothing at all. His breathing evened out, his body went slack, not resting, not about to pounce but still. Waiting. His eyes softened and he stared straight ahead at the ceiling, his mind as blank as the tiles above him.

“Remarkable,” Hershing whispered, then remembered himself. “Subject was not informed of the desired effects of the injection and has gone docile almost instantly. His eyes are open and he appears to be conscious but all resistance has ceased.”

Joining him at the table Elinga unbuckled the strap over Bucky’s mouth.

“Soldier, can you hear us?”

“Awaiting instructions,” Bucky answered without inflection.

“Remarkable,” Hershing whispered again, scribbling notes furiously. “The reaction with the previous injections was instantaneous, even after all these months. Total compliance.”

“Perhaps the length of time since the first injections is the cause of the success. His body has become accustomed to the changes made to him previously and adapted. It may explain the lack of cardiac arrest and mental breakage we saw in other subjects.”

“Either way, Doctor Zola will be very pleased.”

Neither of them noticed the twitch in Bucky’s jaw at the mention of Zola’s name.

“He’s too compliant of course though,” Elinga said. “He’ll accept suggestions from anyone in this state, not just Hydra.”

“The process needs refinement, but an excellent first step,” Hershing said. He looked down and laughed to see Bucky so easily turned docile after viciously threatening them only a short time ago. “I’d like to see our soldier try to kill us all now.”

He got his wish when Bucky’s right hand wrapped firmly around his neck, the torn leather strap dangling from his wrist. Hershing could draw no breath to speak but managed a shout of pain as Bucky threw him across the room into Elinga, causing them both to topple over a table of instruments. By the time either of them looked up Bucky had freed himself of the rest of his restraints and was striding towards them, a scalpel in each hand. There were no guards in this room, no weapons either, but Bucky had made due. He slit their throats before either of them could speak. 

Dropping the scalpels he retrieved his boots, pulled them on, then searched the lab, finding two knives more suited to his purpose. Making his way to the door he found a place for them immediately in the necks of the guards outside. Stowing the knives in his belt he stripped the weapons off the bodies and stalked down the hall. Now he was ready for his mission. Kill all of Hydra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whumpity whump whump whump. Sorry if anyone wanted damsel in distress Bucky. I prefer "I kind of got myself out of this but still need Steve's help Bucky".  
> Thoughts?


	4. The Ride Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now conclude our whump.

“Well this is going well.”

“Shut up Dum Dum,” Steve hissed, though between Hydra’s bullets and Dum Dum’s voice, the gunfire was definitely the more distracting. Steve had made the choice to separate the team once they got out of their cells, taking Dugan with him to track down Bucky while the others went to the lower level to find some transport and stick bombs to anything that would blow up. As he and Dugan crouched low behind the steel container keeping them alive, Steve really hoped the rest of the guys were having better luck than them.

Before they had taken cover he had counted three Hydra goons with automatic weapons firing at them from the other end of the wide hallway they found themselves down. Steve had his shield back and though he didn’t love the odds he knew their best bet was for him to rush them. It wasn’t pretty but it would be fast, and with the alarm sounding he knew they had to find Bucky quick.

Steve turned to Dugan to tell him his plan but before he could speak the automatic fire behind them was interrupted by three clear rings of a revolver and then nothing.

“What the ...”

Steve leaned out to carefully peek from behind one side of the crate while Dugan quirked an eyebrow and checked the other side. 

“Bucky?”

The Commandos’ sniper was standing in the shadows at the intersection of the hallways, lowering a revolver. The three bodies in front of him dropped dead. Steve walked out from behind the crate as Dugan whooped with joy.

“Hell Barnes, here we were coming to rescue you.”

Bucky looked them over and they both froze, his eyes showed no recognition, but he seemed to catalogue them. 

“Bucky?” Steve took a step forward and felt his heart sinking when he saw the blood coating Bucky’s arms and the blank gaze on his friend’s face.

Not Hydra, keep moving. 

Bucky turned on his heel and walked down the hall in the other direction. These men were not his mission. 

But Steve was jogging after him, Dugan only a few steps behind.

“Bucky, what’s going on?”

A question was not an order. Bucky continued to march until strong fingers wrapped around his wrist and forced him to look into concerned eyes.

“Are you hurt?” Steve asked, going colder the longer Bucky looked at him with that dead expression.

“Jesus, look at all that blood,” Dum Dum muttered from a few feet away, watching their backs while Steve tried to deal with Bucky.

Bucky waited a moment in the man’s grip, awaiting orders. When none came he tried to walk away again to fulfill his mission but was held back. 

“Bucky stop.”

A name. An order. He froze. 

“Good. Now what’s going on? What’s wrong with you?”

Bucky stared straight ahead. A question was not an order. He caught movement in the corner of his eye. He brought up the revolver. Steve flinched and took a step back but Bucky only aimed at the catwalk high above them and fired once. A body fell two stories into a stack of barrels.

“Holy hell,” Dugan said, amazed at the shot and the cold efficiency of it. They all knew Barnes was good but that had been a revolver, not a sniper rifle, and he’d barely been looking.

“Awaiting instructions,” Bucky said, speaking for the first time now that they were secure.

“Instructions?” Steve repeated. “Bucky, snap out of it. Please.”

Bucky faltered. He wasn’t certain how to comply.

Steve pulled off his mask and took Bucky by the shoulders. “Bucky! It’s me! It’s Steve. We have to get out of here. Snap out of it!”

Steve shook him one more time and it was like crashing to earth from an airplane. Bucky gasped, suddenly desperate for air and stumbled back, would have fallen if not for Steve’s grip on his arm.

“Steve?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah Buck, I’m here. I got you,” Steve said, relief evident in his voice as he gripped Bucky tight.

Bucky was looking around the hallway and at Dugan and the dead bodies, confused, overwhelmed and feeling assaulted by the alarm blaring around them.

“What’s going on ...? Where ...?”

“We’re in a Hydra base that could blow any second now and we really gotta get out of here.”

Bucky shook his head and stayed rooted to the spot. “I don’t remember. I ... oh my god. Whose blood is this? Steve I’m soaked in it ... what?”

The alarms were blaring louder. Dugan shook his head. They didn’t have time for this. Steve took Bucky’s face in his hands.

“Bucky, do you trust me? Don’t ask anything else, just answer me, do you trust me?”

There was no hesitation. “Yes.”

“Then trust that I will explain everything I can later but right now we have to get out of here. Can you do that?”

Bucky looked down at his blood soaked arms once more before he bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I can do that.”

“Good, cause I need you to cover my back. Now let’s go.”

The three of them ran for the stairs, Steve taking point to cover them with his shield while Dugan and Bucky watched their back and corners. Bucky was still shaky and confused but his aim was surprisingly steady and they met no tough resistance until the ground shook as they neared the roadway that had brought them into this hellish place.

“Feels like Dernier found some bombs,” Dugan said as they all braced themselves against the trembling walls.

“Let’s hope they also found some transport like they were supposed to,” Steve replied, leading the way out into the open air just as another blast rocked the base, cracking and splitting the wall above them.

When they got outside they found the rest of the Commandos holding position around a tank they had commandeered and were currently firing at any approaching groups of Hydra soldiers. Morita and Falsworth smiled and waved when they came out, Gabe and Dernier had to be inside manning the thing. 

“I was expecting a truck,” Steve said, jumping up onto the tank’s treads. He turned around to help Bucky up only to find his friend already next to him.

“Go big or go home, Cap!” Morita yelled as he laid cover fire across the road behind them.

“Let’s do both.” The base shook again, crumbling. The tank pulled away to barely any resistance, the remaining Hydra soldiers focussing on saving themselves, their comrades, or their base. 

The Commandos were done here.

Steve turned to Bucky who was watching the base burn with wide eyes.

“You okay?” Steve asked.

Bucky’s mouth opened and maybe he would have answered, but he was stopped by Morita’s arms wrapping around him.

“Barnes! You unkillable son of a bitch,” Morita exclaimed, his excitement dying as he pulled back and looked Bucky over. “Shit. Are you hurt?”

Bucky looked down as well. His sleeves were rolled up past his elbows and both his arms were drenched in blood, fresh enough to still be wet. His shirt was stained with splatter and though his boots were black he was fairly certain they were coated as well. And yet he felt fine.

“No, I ... I don’t think it’s mine.”

Upon seeing the lost look in Bucky’s eyes they all turned to Steve who wrapped a hand around his friend’s shoulder. 

“Let’s get you up top and check you out, just to be sure.” 

The Hydra base was already fading into the distance and the road ahead looked clear. 

“Stay alert, all of you,” Steve said, leading an oddly compliant Bucky up the ladder to the interior of the tank they were riding. The Commandos all saluted their understanding, the joy of victory quelled by Bucky’s sombre attitude. 

“He’ll be fine,” Dugan said when they were gone. “Barnes is tough. He got through this once before. He’ll be fine.”

“Not the sort of thing a man should go through even once, let alone twice,” Falsworth noted. 

“I don’t disagree Monty. If going back and killing them would help I would in a heartbeat but ... honestly, from what I saw I’m not sure Barnes left any of them alive.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

If Steve had to pick one word to describe Hydra it’d be evil. If he had to pick two words it’d be evil and decadent, and the tank they were riding home was no exception. As Steve climbed down the ladder he could see there was enough space inside for a dozen men. Dernier and Gabe were together in the front. Both smiled and waved to see Steve and Bucky alive. Those smiles faded when they saw the blood Bucky was covered in.

“Come on, back here,” Steve said, leading the way to the back compartment which was full of shelves and what looked to be a small bed. Lavish bastards, Steve thought, but it was something they could use. He motioned Bucky to sit while he started rummaging through the closed cabinets. “Careful when you sit down.”

“Why, you think Hydra booby traps their beds?” Bucky asked, trying to force some lightness between them but unable to maintain his false smile.

“No, you’ve got two loose knives in the back of your belt Buck,” Steve said.

“What?”

Bucky reached behind him and came back with a blood stained knife in each hand. He dropped them both to the floor, looking horrified, and collapsed onto the bed, running his hands over his face.

“What did they do to me Steve? Jesus Christ.”

Steve knelt down in front of him. He had found a canteen of water and some cloth. He pulled Bucky’s hands off his face and started to wipe away the blood. “What do you remember?”

Bucky let himself be manhandled, watching as the blood thinned and disappeared from his skin.

“A little bit more now. I remember Streicher, the cells, getting shot and dragged to a lab. They started shocking me. I guess I passed out at some point and then ...” Bucky ground his teeth and shook his head. “Then I was in that hallway with you. The rest is just blank.”

“I don’t know much more than you then. We found you in that hallway looking like this.” Steve hesitated over a mark in the crook of Bucky’s elbow. “Puncture wound, they must have shot you up with something that messed with your head. I don’t know how you got away but you saved Dugan and I, shot some goons that were firing on us, but then you just walked away. It was like you didn’t recognize us, barely acknowledged we were there, you just moved on and killed some more Hydra agents. It was almost like ... like you were on a mission.”

“What snapped me out of it?”

“Me I guess. I just kept shaking you and shouting until you were yourself again.” Satisfied that most of the blood was gone from Bucky’s skin, Steve stood up and went back to the cabinets.

“Thanks for that,” Bucky said. He rubbed at the blood still visible beneath his finger tips that wouldn’t clean off easily. “What did I do Steve?”

“You didn’t hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it, if that’s what you’re thinking. There was no one in that base except us and Hydra agents, and we’re all fine.”

“Yeah I guess,” Bucky said. Looking at the knives, he wondered if he had anything else on him and started patting down his pockets.

“I hope Streicher didn’t make it out of there alive, I’ll tell you that much,” Steve muttered, hating the man responsible for all this.

Bucky found something in his front pocket and swallowed.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

Steve turned around and saw Bucky was holding out a bloody rectangle of cloth with a name stitched into it: Streicher.

“Well that’s something.”

“Yeah.” Bucky looked at the ground. “What if it happens again?”

Steve knelt down and took him by the shoulders. “This is never going to happen again, do you hear me?”

“No, not ... not Hydra getting me. Me. We don’t know what they did to me. What if I go blank again ... start killing people?”

“You won’t Bucky, you’re yourself again. They drugged you with something and it wore off now. You’re fine.”

“You don’t know that Steve.”

“Yeah I do.”

“You trust me too much Steve,” Bucky said. “Hydra’s done something to me, twice now. If I was anyone else you’d put me in cuffs just to be safe, and that’s what you should be doing right now.”

“You’re not anyone else. You’re my best friend. You’re James Buchanan Barnes, not whatever the hell Hydra was trying to make you do. Think about it this way, all right, they messed with your head somehow but I can’t imagine their goal was for you to become a Hydra murdering machine so whatever they wanted, whatever they were trying to do to you, you fought them, you were stronger than them and you killed them all instead. You never raised a gun at Dugan or I, didn’t even think about it. So yeah they did something to you, and you weren’t quite right but you were still you, you still fought them, and that’s why you’re not in cuffs right now. Got it?”

Bucky smiled and hoped it didn’t look as forced as it felt. “Got it.”

“Good. Let’s get you cleaned up. I found some clothes you can wear.”

Bucky scowled at the Hydra uniform he was tossed but Steve held up a hand before he could protest. “Just wear the pants and under shirt.”

“Fine,” Bucky said, inspecting both items closely first to make sure they had no Hydra logos on them. 

“There’s some bandages here too. I’ll get Morita to look at your foot,” Steve offered.

“It’s fine,” Bucky muttered, not meeting Steve’s eye as he pulled off his boots to change.

“Bucky you were shot.”

“Hydra took care of it,” Bucky said, showing Steve the wrapped appendage. “Stitched and bandaged. They did it before they started ... whatever it was they were doing.”

“All right. I want a real doctor to look at it when we get back though.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bucky said, pulling off his shirt and avoiding Steve’s eye, sick with the thought of being prodded again, even by one of their own doctors. He swallowed as his mind started to wander, wondering what would happen when they got back, when the Colonel found out Hydra had experimented on him again. They would want to know why Hydra was so interested in him, they would want to run their own tests, figure out what Hydra was doing to him, they might even pull him from the Commandos if they found out Zola had put him on some special capture list for further experimentation. He shivered at the thought of being taken off duty to be prodded and strapped down again, but by his own people.

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky’s head shot up, startled by Steve’s words and only just noticing the pained expression his friend had probably been wearing for some time.

“What the hell for?” Bucky asked, unable to think of anything his friend should be apologizing for.

“I’m the reason this happened.”

“You started a war without telling me, that’s impressive.”

“You know what I mean. Streicher shot you, tortured you just to get to me and I ... I wear a target on my shield for a reason. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me, especially my best friend, so I’m sorry.”

Bucky opened his mouth but stopped himself before he said anything, thinking over Steve’s words. His friend really didn’t seem to think Hydra had any special interest in him, he really thought Streicher had just ordered Bucky to be experimented on to hurt Steve, but Bucky knew the truth. Those Hydra scientists hadn’t cared about Steve, they had cared about Bucky, about what he was and how he was different since whatever Zola had done to him, and they cared about changing him even more. And Bucky knew they had changed him, he was shaken but he was also eerily steady, lost but also focussed, a little broken but also stronger. He couldn’t explain it and he had no desire to tell any of it to Steve if it meant he could avoid further prodding and experiments from the doctors and scientists back at camp and beyond.

So he shook his head and offered Steve a half smile. 

“It wasn’t your fault, come on, you know that. You can’t blame yourself for what those Hydra bastards did. Besides, if it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine, opening my dumb mouth to save your ass, what was I thinking?”

Steve sighed. “I still haven’t been able to figure that out.”

“I’m good Steve,” Bucky promised placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “We’re good, I swear. Like you said, I’m back to normal, mission’s accomplished, we got a sweet tank, technically this is a win.”

Steve nodded reluctantly. “It is a nice tank.”

They both finally smiled for real and Steve deflated with relief, pulling Bucky in for a tight hug. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

Bucky made a point not to tense up at the words. He certainly didn’t feel okay. 

“Yeah, me too.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Steve had ordered Bucky to get some rest while they travelled, which resulted in Bucky laying on the bed in the back of the tank, wide awake and staring at the ceiling for the last several hours. He had been tempted to get up several times but knew Steve would just order him back down here again, and if Bucky refused that order he’d be given the Steve Rogers puppy dog eyes and he’d be back down here in a heartbeat anyway. Dammit. 

The thing was, sleep sounded great, hell, this was war, they never got enough sleep, any of them, but Bucky wasn’t tired. His mind was racing and his body was alert but he didn’t feel anything resembling fatigue which was ... strange, to say the least. 

In the distance he heard shouting and sat upright. Looking to the front of the cabin he could tell that Dernier and Gabe hadn’t heard it yet. He raced to the ladder but slowed down halfway. Those weren’t shouts of panic or danger, they were shouts of joy. 

“Home sweet home,” Gabe shouted from the driver’s seat when he saw Bucky on his feet.

Bucky managed to fake a smile and climbed up the ladder silently. When he popped the hatch the sound increased ten fold. He looked up to see Steve waving at the crowd of soldiers who had gathered to watch Captain America and the Howling Commandos ride into base victorious on top of a Hydra tank. 

Assured there was no danger, Bucky tried to crawl back inside but Steve spotted him and smiled. He couldn’t help it, he smiled back.

“Get up here Buck, it’s good for morale.”

Bucky climbed up reluctantly and stood next to Steve. “You know they all just want to see you, right?”

“Well I want to see you, now start waving.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but offered a few waves and salutes to the crowds of whooping soldiers. 

“See, morale’s improving already,” Steve said, slapping him on the back. Bucky hadn’t even noticed he was still smiling. He waved again and spotted the blood still trapped underneath his fingernails. He swallowed and dropped his hands. Suddenly he didn’t feel like celebrating anymore. Thankfully they had gone as far as the tank could go and were coming to a stop just outside the officers’ tent. 

A familiar figure in a green skirt was waiting with a barely concealed smile of her own.

“Captain, you’re late,” Peggy greeted as Steve jumped down to the ground.

Steve patted the tank tread. “Sorry. My new ride’s a little slow but it packs a punch.”

“As long as you’re not compensating for something. The Colonel would like your report as soon as possible. We’ve intercepted a few interesting Hydra transmissions, he needs your take on them.”

“I’ll be there in a minute, I just gotta ...”

Bucky jumped down behind Steve. “I can get to medical myself Steve, go give your report before Phillips sends us both to a sick bed.”

Peggy lifted an eyebrow, waiting while Steve stood there uncertain. Bucky sighed.

“Dugan, can you escort me to medical so Steve can make his playdate with the big brass?”

“Sure, but I ain’t holding your hand,” Dugan called out from where he sat with his legs dangling over the tank treads.

Steve nodded, “All right. I’ll come check on you when I’m done.”

“You know where I’ll be,” Bucky said, his false levity dropping a fraction. 

Steve turned to Peggy reluctantly. “Let’s go.”

“I’m worried about that guy,” Bucky said as Dugan appeared next to him.

“What the hell for?” Dugan asked.

“Beautiful dame asks him to come with her ASAP and he’s worried about me. He’s gotta get his priorities straight.”

Dugan laughed and clapped him on the back. “When it’s a trip that ends in seeing Phillips, I don’t blame him for stalling. Come on, let’s get you checked out.”

“Oh joy,” Bucky muttered but followed along. 

When they entered the sparsely filled medical tent a nurse looked them up and down, spotting no obvious injuries on either of them she asked what she could help with.

“Got shot in the foot,” Bucky said. “It’s been field dressed, just wanted a real doc to take a look.”

“No problem.” She motioned to one of the empty beds. “Have a seat and get your boots off, I’ll get Dr. Parsons.”

“Thanks.”

Bucky took a seat and side-eyed his companion.

“You don’t gotta stick around Dum-Dum. You got me here and I saw you eyeing that mess tent.”

Dugan frowned. “I don’t know, not sure if I can leave you here in good conscience when you’re acting weird.”

Bucky’s stomach clenched, having no desire to discuss with Dum Dum or any of the base doctors what had happened to him back at the Hydra base and what he had done when he blacked out.

“I mean, you didn’t even try to flirt with that nurse,” Dugan added after a pause.

Bucky laughed to cover his relief and shot his friend a poignant look. “Well maybe I was waiting for a certain idiot in a stupid hat to get out of here first cause I didn’t want to make him look bad.”

Dugan chuckled and slapped Bucky on the back. “Fair enough. Good luck. Let me know if she has a friend.”

“At most you deserve an evil step-sister.”

“I could live with that. We’ll come check on you in a bit.”

Bucky appreciated the sentiment but waved it off and sighed in relief when Dugan walked out the door. He was almost instantly replaced by a middle-aged man in glasses and a white coat.

“Soldier, I hear you got yourself a bullet wound.”

“Hey doc, Sergeant Barnes,” he said, holding out a hand.

“Doctor Parsons. Let’s take a look Sergeant.”

Bucky lifted his foot onto the bed and let the doctor unwrap the bandage the Hydra scientists had wrapped around it. He didn’t want to look, he didn’t want any attention from any doctor if he was honest, he didn’t even want to be here, but he knew Steve would check up on him, make sure he had seen a doctor. Bucky was glad Dugan was gone, it meant there was no one here to tell the doctor what he had gone through, about the way he had been experimented on and blacked out into some kind of killing state. He still kept his eye on the door though. He needed to make sure his escape route was clear.

“You got this treated in the field?” Parsons asked.

“Yeah you could say that,” Bucky muttered, eyes still on the door. He thought it was strange that he could stay so outwardly calm while also feeling jumpy and hyper aware.

“Well, they did a good job. I see why you came in. These stitches are definitely ready to come out.”

“What?” 

Bucky looked down and saw that his foot looked almost completely healed. The same foot that had had a gaping bullet hole in it no more than nine hours before. It should barely have stopped bleeding by now, let alone be healed over.

“You sound surprised. Is that not what you came in for?” Parsons asked, reaching for a pair of scissors from a nearby tray.

“Yeah, yeah of course, I mean, I was hoping, I just hadn’t checked it in awhile.”

“Well you did a good job keeping it clean, no sign of infection.” Parsons rubbed alcohol over the wound and began to snip the stitches. “This’ll sting a little.”

He picked up a pair of tweezers and pulled the twine out of Bucky’s skin. Bucky could barely feel it. That couldn’t be right though, so he hissed like it hurt. 

“Now I remember why I didn’t want to come here,” Bucky said, feigning pain again when the Doctor pulled out another stitch.

“Almost done.”

Bucky looked back at the door. His escape route was still open. 

“There we go. Looks good. Bullet missed the bone and this healed up really clean, one of the cleanest I’ve seen in a long time actually.” 

By the time Bucky started listening Parsons was already wrapping a new bandage around his foot.

“You’ll want to keep it wrapped up for a few more days, especially in the conditions you boys see, but if there’s nothing else I can give you a clean bill of health.”

Bucky looked back. His escape route was not clear. Steve was standing in the doorway.

Bucky blinked and turned to the doctor. “No. Nothing else.”

“He causing you trouble, doc?”

Bucky wasn’t certain he could school his facial features right now and focussed on pulling his socks on. It didn’t matter as Doctor Parsons was star struck by their visitor.

“Captain, sir, it’s an honor,” Parsons said. Steve shook his hand politely and then raised an eyebrow, waiting for a reply to his question. “Oh, I didn’t know the Sergeant was one of your men. He’s in excellent shape, that bullet wound’s healing very nicely. Like I said, keep it clean and dry though. If you can, bring some extra socks into the field.”

“He’s cleared for duty?” Steve asked, surprised.

“If it’s not bothering him too much, I feel comfortable signing off, yes.”

Bucky finished tying up his boots and stood up to full height. “I can handle it.”

“There you go. He’s all yours Captain. I have to see my other patients, but it’s a real honor.”

“Thanks doctor, you’re doing great work here,” Steve said, though frowning and clearly distracted.

Parsons beamed anyway as he left. Bucky forced a smile on his own face, having composed himself while the doctor rambled. 

“Don’t look so excited Steve, I might worry you actually want me around.”

“You know I do, I just ... It’s fine if you need some time, some rest.”

“Rest gives me time to think, I’d rather keep busy. Besides, you got the look of a man who’s been given a mission. You think I’m sitting out you’re crazy.”

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t agree to us going out again so soon but this one’s got a very small window of opportunity. We’ll have to head out tonight.”

Bucky shrugged. “Not a problem. What’s our target?”

Steve sighed. “Zola.”

Bucky froze. “Zola?”

“They intercepted some messages confirming he was heading here by train as soon as possible. They don’t think the Hydra base we were in got a message out to him to turn back before it was destroyed. He’s still on his way.”

“Please tell me we’re going to kill him.”

“Capture only, Phillips was very clear. He knows too much, he’s too valuable, we need him alive.”

Bucky’s jaw twitched.

“You don’t have to ...”

“Like I said, I can handle it. We need him alive, we’ll take him alive. I get one punch in though, promise me that.”

Steve started to roll his eyes then shook his head instead. “One punch.”

Bucky smirked. He was the three time YMCA boxing champ. “All I’ll need.”

Steve sobered up and met his eye. “This has been a crazy day. Be honest with me Buck. You sure you’re good?”

Bucky’s mind flashed back to being strapped to a table, electrodes on his head, a blue syringe, blackness, arms drenched in blood and a bullet wound that shouldn’t be healed yet. It was all wrong. He felt wrong. Hydra had done something to him. Something had changed. He didn’t know what it was or if it was over but he knew that it was not good.

“I’m good,” he said. His voice was steady. He threw an arm over Steve’s shoulders. “Let’s go Stevie. We got a train to catch.”

The end.

You know what happens next. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
